116. Social Gatherings Without Guilt: Tackling Food and Drink Pressure From Others

In today’s episode, I want to dig into a topic that has been coming up a lot in conversations I’ve been having with sooo many ladies lately: the unnecessary pressure and judgment from others regarding your nutrition and fitness choices. This is something that fires me UP; I’ve dealt with this often myself throughout my fitness journey, so you better believe this one is going to be spicy! Unfortunately, judgment from others will always be there, but I want to tackle this subject as it relates to your health and fitness. 

While it can be really tough to stand up to others when they’re questioning your food and drink choices, you have got to STOP making yourself uncomfortable by giving in to them. This isn’t helping anyone, and constantly feeling like you have to conform to what others are doing can really derail you and your goals. For some reason, people think that if someone is choosing to eat healthier and skip the drinks, they feel the need to comment, and make them feel guilty for doing so. Yet, when others are throwing back the alcohol and eating allll the shitty foods, no one questions a thing. Talk about a double standard!!

At the end of the day, YOU have to be assertive, and f*cking stand up for yourself - you don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. It’s time to embrace your healthy habits, and be proud of what you’re doing on your fitness journey - I’m always here to talk and will happily encourage you when you need it, too!!

In this episode, we cover:

• The unnecessary judgment we often receive from others + why you need to STOP making yourself uncomfortable in order to make other people feel comfortable
• Understanding that your family and friends probably aren’t trying to sabotage you and your goals, but they also have no business commenting on what you’re doing 
• The never-ending pressure surrounding food and alcohol in social settings
• The ‘double standard dilemma’ when it comes to healthy choices in social settings
• Why you need to stay strong and stand up for yourself, and realize that you owe no one an explanation for your food and drink choices (‘healthy’ or not)

How to work with me:

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the Un-Fuck-Your-Fitness Podcast. I am your host, christy Castillo, and I'm here to give you real talk and cut the BS so you can actually enjoy building a body you love. I'm a personal trainer obsessed with giving you simple action steps to take you from feeling stuck to feeling sexy. Let's go. Hey guys, what's up? Welcome to today's episode.

Speaker 1: 0:34

I'm going to get a little spicy in this episode. I already know it because this topic kind of fires me up, but we're going to be talking about the judgment that comes along in your fitness journey. Now, judgment is there regardless. People are going to judge you, whether it's your fitness journey, whether it's your clothes, whether it's your parenting, whether it's your job literally anything about you people will judge. But I want to talk about it in relation to, obviously, our fitness journey, since that's what we're here to do is unfuck your fitness, and this is a really big part of your fitness journey. I mean, I talk about things on this podcast that are not always talked about in the fitness space. I feel like a lot of health and fitness obviously is the macros and is the water and is the walking and is the workouts, but it's so much more than that. It's so much mindset in your daily life and what you have to deal with, because these things can really derail you. And it's important to talk about these judgments because we all are faced with judgment from other people and a lot of times we feel like we're alone and maybe other people aren't getting treated this way or other people aren't hearing these comments and so it's going to be good. I don't know, honestly, that I'm going to have a lot of tips for you other than just fucking stand up for yourself and don't make yourself uncomfortable to make other people comfortable and I'll get into that a little bit later as we kind of coast through this topic.

Speaker 1: 2:05

But a few days ago in my Facebook group if you're not in my Facebook group, head over there and search Christy Castillo Fit on Facebook. Every couple weeks I just ask on a Monday, you know, new Monday or new week, new start, what's on your mind today? Something to that effect, and the topic was brought up. I'm not going to read it word for word, but basically this lady was asking does anyone else feel like when you are at friend and family gatherings and you say no to sweets or treats or drinks, that you get the guilt trip that people say things like enjoy your life and don't deny yourself, and she said the guilt kicks in and you don't want to make them uncomfortable. And so many people responded to that, whether it was to that comment or just to me behind the scenes, saying like this would be such a great podcast episode.

Speaker 1: 3:07

I struggle with this as well. And so I put that comment on my Instagram and said do you struggle with this? If so, send me a message and let me know how you deal with this. How are people guilt tripping you in what situation? So that I know and I said that because I like to know what you're dealing with and also I don't get that a lot, so I love to know what you're dealing with. I don't know if people just know that I'm not going to put up with it so they don't say shit to me, or whether people know what I do for a living so they're not going to comment on what I'm eating or not eating or whatever. I just don't get a lot of that. I know it's out there because I see people judging other people based on, again, literally anything and it's bullshit.

Speaker 1: 3:54

But I loved hearing from you all in my DMs because I got so many messages and I'm going to talk about some of the topics that were brought up and it just infuriates me, I think, in general, because, as the thing that made me so pissed off when I read this comment from and I wish I could remember her name, sorry, but when she said they say you should enjoy your life, not deny yourself, the guilt kicks in and you don't want to make them uncomfortable. Self the guilt kicks in and you don't want to make them uncomfortable. And I get that because I lived. I feel like I lived so much of my life honestly trying not to make other people uncomfortable and I'm done with it, like inherently done Therapy, just my own, I don't know. They say, like you know, when you get older, people just become unhinged, and I get it now. So when I read that for her, like my heart just broke and I just my instant, I replied something like why do we care if other people are uncomfortable? Because if we're trying to make other people comfortable, it makes us feel uncomfortable and then we have to feel uncomfortable versus someone else feeling uncomfortable, and I get that because that's what a lot of us do. But why? Let's stop and think about that If you are saying no to sweets or drinks at a party or anywhere for that matter, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1: 5:15

It's your body, it's your choice, it's your you know. Like why would anyone have the right to even say don't deny yourself, or live a little Like fuck you, mind your own business. I'm not telling you that what's on your plate is unhealthy and it's going to make you fat, so don't tell me what to put on my plate. But, like, why are other people feeling uncomfortable because you said no to a treat? Because I mean, I'll answer that they're feeling uncomfortable because they're not in a place where they feel confident enough to stay. No, they're jealous If you're like I'm not drinking today, I'm trying to become healthier, or I, they're not. So they feel triggered, they feel attacked, they feel less than they feel intimidated by you because you're doing something that they can't do and they feel like they have to put their two cents in and make you feel small, like, oh, live a little, have some fun, like over here, like me, right? And it's like don't tell me how to live my life, don't tell me how to have fun. Don't tell me what to do. That's kind of what anyone tells me what to do, I'm inherently like don't tell me what to do. That's my first response in general, which I'm not saying. That's good.

Speaker 1: 6:32

But when I read that, I'm just at this place in life, too, where I'm like don't make yourself uncomfortable, don't put the sweets on your plate if you're not comfortable with that. Don't drink at an event if you're uncomfortable with that, just because people are like oh, come on, live a little, make me feel better about my decisions. You know, I've heard that before too where people will be like come on, drink with me, like make me feel better about this shitty choice that I'm making, and it's like no, I'm not going to make myself feel uncomfortable to make you feel comfortable, because then you feel comfortable and I don't, and you don't care. So there's just a lot. There's a lot, honestly, that goes into this, and so I think it's interesting and I think it's good to talk about, because a lot of times we brush it off and it's like it's not inherently a big deal when you think about it.

Speaker 1: 7:21

I had some comments that. Let me just find one. For example, my husband is always saying oh, it's just a little bit this once, even though it adds up to so many times. And I had another one saying my fiance does this to me all the time. Just this past weekend he said you've been working so hard, live a little. And I get that. That inherently is. It seems nice. And I'm not saying that their husband or fiance is like a terrible person or anything like that, not at all, because I get that right.

Speaker 1: 7:52

Like you have been working hard, you've been working so hard on your goals. Like, live a little, have some cake, have a drink, you know, have the thing that I'm having, and maybe it's not even from a place of I'm doing this thing. Do it with me to make me feel better about myself. Sometimes they don't realize that what they're doing is wrong or damaging or not helpful, right, like I'm sure the husband and fiance weren't like, oh, I'm trying to make you feel like shit and go off of your goals. They're just like, okay, you've been working really hard. Like let's reward yourself or you know whatever. Like I said, that's inherently not terrible. What's terrible is that in that instance, if someone said that to me and was like hey, just have this one thing, you've been working so hard, good job. It makes me think like I mean I'm putting myself in that situation where if I've been on track and I help my clients stay on track, so I'd see this all the time and I put myself in that situation where I'm like if I was just doing so good and someone is not trying to sabotage me, they're just like, hey, you've been working so hard, we're at this event, come celebrate with us, you deserve it. If I don't want to, or if I feel like that drink or that piece of cake or that, whatever it is that I've been kind of restricting, I'm proud of myself for restricting that. I'm proud of myself for setting that boundary. I'm proud of myself for the progress that I've been making.

Speaker 1: 9:12

If I have, you know, this thing, that, and it's going to set me back and make me feel like, oh, that wasn't my goal, right, my goal for today was to hit my macros and now I didn't, and now I feel bad. Or if that one thing is going to then trigger you to have a little binging episode where now you want to eat everything in the house, you lose a little self-control. You know your body. So sometimes it's not just like, oh, have this one little thing, live a little, you deserve it. Have this one little thing, live a little, you deserve it. Sometimes it's deeper than that, because if you have emotional eating issues or if you have food attachment issues, anything like that, one thing can throw you back. And so it's not always just this little sweet in this one drink. If you were an alcoholic in the past and you're trying to move past that and someone's like, oh, just have a drink, like you deserve it. No, that could possibly set someone back way more than one drink, right.

Speaker 1: 10:07

So I think it's important to have that awareness of, like shut the fuck up and don't tell people what to do with their lives or with their food, like it's none of your business. And for two, if someone is saying something to you that makes you feel like I really don't want to do that, you have the voice, you have the power, even if you don't know why you're doing it and you don't have all the education and you feel kind of intimidated explaining like I'm hitting my macros. Why am I doing that? You don't have to explain it thoroughly in science, you just have to say no, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I'm not going to have that piece of cake. Please don't ask me again and say it very sternly and if they're like oh you know, get all sassy about it, do what you got to do, like I.

Speaker 1: 10:54

I feel like if someone is coming at me in a tone that's very aggressive and very much like they're going to give me their opinion and put their stance on something, then I don't have to come back at you. I can just say, no, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I'm not interested. I'm not doing that. Please don't bring it up again. Because if someone's coming at you in a way that they're not going to really listen to your side of the story, then you don't need to give it Right. It's like you can't argue a stupid kind of thing. So if, if they're just coming at you in a way I'm not saying you have to like butt up right back to them and be aggressive, but if they keep coming at you, then stand up for yourself Like come on, we. This is not like we don't have to just lay over and take it because someone doesn't understand a fitness journey or someone doesn't like it's none of their business what you're eating or what you're doing or what your relationship with food. It doesn't, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1: 11:50

Again, I've talked about this in previous episode I can't remember which one I should have looked, but where it's like people judge others for not drinking or for eating healthy. Imagine if we called out or being skinny, right, people will say all the time like you're too skinny, you're too fit, you're too healthy. Someone actually commented and wrote in and said they get comments like are you on a diet? Or why are you eating that rabbit food? Why is it okay for someone to say you're too skinny or too healthy or too obsessed? Like too healthy, what does that even mean? You're too fit. Like you're offended by my fitness, okay, or are you on a diet? You're eating rabbit food.

Speaker 1: 12:32

Imagine if a fit or healthy person, or anyone for that matter came up to someone and said oh my God, your plate is full of eight pieces of pizza. You're too fat, you're too, you know, like you're too drunk. I mean, we don't call out people personally for having too many drinks, for eating too much, for being too big. It's like it's the other way around and it feels it's disgusting that someone would come up and say, oh, you're not having the cookie. Oh, you're eating rabbit food. Oh, my gosh, you chose this salad Like we're at a restaurant, live a little, have a drink.

Speaker 1: 13:11

Imagine if you were like wow, you're drinking so much, holy cow, you're eating so much food. Wow, you've gotten really overweight. Instead of wow, you've lost too much weight or you look sick or whatever. I even had someone say that. A quote unquote friend told her she was more fun before she lost weight. That's crazy. So this person is being told you were more fun before you lost weight. You were more fun when you were unhappy with your body. You were more fun when you would drink and eat whatever you want and make me feel comfortable that I'm overweight. That's not okay. There are just a lot of ways, a lot of reasons that this happens. I want to go through a couple others.

Speaker 1: 13:58

Another comment that I had was, in my experience, people tend to start assuming things about you that you're insecure or struggling with an eating disorder. That's so true, conflicting fitness goals with some deep-rooted personal issues, when in reality, I have these goals because I love myself. When I read that, I was like yeah, people think something's wrong with you. Oh, you don't love the way that you look. Oh, you don't love your body right now. So you're eating this rabbit food. Yeah, because you're taking care of yourself or not having the sweets, treats, drinks at the party, whatever people think that, yeah, you're really struggling or you have an eating disorder or you have some personal issue. That's very true. That's the judgment there when it's like, like she said, in reality it's because I have these goals, because I do love myself, because I do want to be better, because I don't need to have this stuff at every event, right, so that, I thought, was very, very interesting.

Speaker 1: 14:57

I also got a lot of messages about different cultures and how it's expected that you eat with the family certain foods every single Sunday, every weekend, those kinds of things, and that's hard. I don't personally belong to that, so I don't know exactly what that's like, but I have coached women through this, where it's a very cultural thing to get together and have lots of drinks and lots of certain foods and no, it's not very macro conducive and people talk about them and people say things and people judge their family judges them. Family judges even harder sometimes than strangers, don't we know? But that's another way that people can judge you. People you love are judging you because it's cultural.

Speaker 1: 15:49

I got a lot of comments about drinks. That was probably the number one thing that people specifically said that they get comments on, and I guess in my head that's kind of worse than commenting on or encouraging someone to just eat a cheeseburger, and that's not okay. It's not okay to put your two cents in and encourage someone or push someone to do anything they're not comfortable with. But alcohol and food is an addiction too. So I'm kind of contradicting myself here mentally. I don't know if this is actually completely accurate, but alcohol and food is an addiction. That If I was not drinking and someone was coming up to me and asking me why and pressuring me and I just I don't, I don't ever really see that happening.

Speaker 1: 16:48

If I want to drink, I will, if I don't, I won't, and nothing's going to really, you know, make me sway one way or the other, and in fact someone pressuring me to do so would piss me off so much so that I definitely wouldn't drink then and I'd probably have to leave the party because I would be livid, just about as livid as I was as I read through these comments. But that's just. It's insane to me that people I understand like, oh, we'll have a good time, you know, we're all having a good time, but I can have a good time sober, and I can have a good time without someone judging what I'm eating and what I'm drinking and what I'm wearing and what I'm doing and what I'm saying, like mind your business. But especially when it comes to alcohol, I really just think that that's crazy and uncalled for and if we stopped and thought about that, I think a lot of us would obviously think about it so much differently If you stopped and thought about what alcohol does to your body, just in a very general sense.

Speaker 1: 17:53

I mean, I have an aura right now and I can see literally what alcohol does to my body, just to my sleep, to my REM sleep, my overall recovery and things like that. I won't get into all of that, but it's nuts and that is what it is. But also, when I drink, I feel tired, I feel blah, and now sometimes I have fun. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this is across the board. I am in spaces and times where I'm like, yes, I want to drink and I want to have fun and that's fine, but still the next day I don't feel great. You can't deny that. You don't spend a night out drinking, drunk, having a good time, and you don't wake up the next morning on time, ready to eat healthy, ready to work out, ready to go for a walk, ready to parent your best right. That's the facts of life and the fact that anyone would encourage. So basically, we're encouraging people to have a shitty next day.

Speaker 1: 18:49

I don't know, it's just crazy. People can have fun without alcohol. People can have fun without snacks, without treats, and it's honestly no one's business either way. I just think it's such a double standard. Can you imagine going up to someone and being like oh, hey, let's reverse the fiance husband situation where it's like, hey, you've been working out and you've been doing a really good job, like, live a little, let's, you know, spend today and just chill? Imagine going up to someone and being like hey, you've been eating like shit and you're overweight and you haven't moved your body in months and you're doing a really shitty job. Why don't you spend the day actually tracking your macros and giving a shit and maybe eating some rabbit food? You know, flip the situations and it's like you would never say that to someone.

Speaker 1: 19:34

Maybe we should, maybe all of us that give a shit about our bodies should walk around calling people out for being big, for being overweight. That's so wrong. But at the same time, I get sick of seeing that where it's like and my side of it, where I see is like fit people I follow, like my friends, fellow I don't want to say influencers fellow personal trainers online where we're kind of getting attacked for our bodies, and I don't get it so much. Yet Thank God I'm not quite as big and famous and that's totally fine because I'm not ready for that. But I see a lot of people commenting on strong women's bodies like you're too manly, you worked out so much your boobs left you looked better before. You look too good, you have an eating disorder. And that's all ridiculous to say. People that are fit and healthy fit and healthy and have a good mindset around it don't have eating disorders. Yes, we track our macros and yes, we eat a lot, right, people are so misconstrued about that and it's like I do that because I want my body to function well and, yes, look well and yes, it's no one's business what I look like.

Speaker 1: 20:49

Why would you comment on someone's body or their clothes or their food or their alcohol or their decisions? It's just maddening to me. So it comes from every angle of life. I understand and I think on the internet it's more blatant, but it's still very much happening in your lives where you are trying to get on track with your health and fitness. You're trying to make better track with your health and fitness, you're trying to make better decisions and you're surrounded by people that aren't. And then not only aren't but they're going to call you out on it and try to make you feel bad.

Speaker 1: 21:24

Why are you walking so much? Why are you running? Why can you not come out to eat with us anymore? Wow, you're looking too good, or you're too skinny, or I think you may have lost too much weight. You should probably stop. You're looking too healthy.

Speaker 1: 21:35

You spend too much time, whatever x, y and z. You spend too much time at the gym. You spend too much time and it's like it's none of your business. It's not affecting you in a way that is bad at all. You know it doesn't affect my friends at all what I'm doing with my body. If I want to go, I'm doing with my body. If I want to go out and drink with them, I will. If I want to go out and drink water with them, I will, and if what I'm drinking water affects their fun, that's not my problem. If I'm not stacking my plate full of shit foods and that makes you uncomfortable, that's not my problem. You know, if I look better than you and you don't like it, that's not my problem.

Speaker 1: 22:18

And that is where I want you to look at this. I want to give you the tools. I want you to be surrounded by me, this podcast, other people I love that my ladies and my Fit Club group. Please get in there and encourage each other. If you have a bad day, call it out so we can all support you. But I want you to be so empowered that you're like you can go up to someone and say it's none of your business what I'm eating or what I'm drinking or how much I'm working out or anything at all. Quite frankly, none of it is your business. I'm a health coach, I'm a personal trainer. I love to do macros, I love to walk, I love to work out. You all know what I love.

Speaker 1: 22:58

At this point, I go to these events and I see people eating wrong and doing all these things and I never say anything to them because it's none of my business. If people want help with their health and fitness, they will come to me. If you're going to drink, my business. If people want help with their health and fitness, they will come to me. If you're going to drink, drink. If you're going to have all the snacks, have all the snacks. If you're going to have all the snacks and then turn around and look at me and say, wow, I looked like, I wish I looked like you, I wish I had your motivation. That happens to me a lot. We'll be out and about.

Speaker 1: 23:29

People are overeating and doing all their things right and I'm like go get it, go ahead like I'm looking and like, man, I, you'd be happier if you weren't doing that. Or sometimes I have people that are like, wow, you're eating all that pizza and if I ate that much pizza, I would gain weight in a second. I get a lot of those comments and I'm thinking well, if you knew how to track macros and your body was happy and your metabolism was good, you wouldn't be gaining weight like that. But I don't go into it. I just say, yeah, I have my body figured out, so you know this works for me.

Speaker 1: 24:04

But I do get a lot of people doing things that I don't do right Drinking too much, eating too much, not moving enough, not having the foundation and whatever, and then they'll do all those things. And then they'll turn to me and say, wish I had your motivation, christy. I wish I could do what you do, I wish I looked like you, man, I want your body, all these things. And I'm thinking well, you know how I do it, right, when people bitch about how they look and they don't want to look that way and how they feel and how they don't want to feel that way, and then they turn around and make fun of you for eating a salad no, absolutely not going to happen. And I want you to feel like you can stand up for yourself. Okay, so we are not going to walk around making people feel comfortable anymore.

Speaker 1: 24:47

If someone feels uncomfortable around you because you're not doing X, y and Z at a party and you don't want to do those things, you better not do it. You better hear me in your ear saying don't do this. If they're uncomfortable, let them be uncomfortable. It's good for them. You're uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable when you get up and work out and you don't want to. You're uncomfortable tracking your macros. You're uncomfortable going for walks. You're uncomfortable when you get up and work out and you don't want to. You're uncomfortable tracking your macros. You're uncomfortable going for walks. You're uncomfortable making these new habits for yourself. Let them be uncomfortable around you. It's fine, right? We're never hated on by someone doing better than us. People that hate on you are doing worse than you. Okay, you've made a decision. Stick with it. Find the community, find the support, or at least find it deep down within yourself to be pissed off enough when someone says something to you that you can clap back if you need to.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Okay, in these situations where people are just like, hey, live a little. Oh, my gosh, you've been doing so good, you should have a cheat meal, you should have a treat, you should. No, I don't want to do that. Thank you so much. I understand you're trying to be nice, but that would really send me over the edge. If I have one piece of pizza today, I'm going to have six pieces of pizza and I'm really trying to not do that. I'm really happy with my habits, thank you. You can say something super nice, or you can just say mind your business, no, thank you. It doesn't have to be aggressive, but God, sometimes people can be so rude.

Speaker 1: 26:15

I had these messages from people that they're just literally like attacking, like just one live a little, oh my God. You know life is short and all these things, and I get that, but leave me alone, it's none of your business. So I this just frustrates me to no end, mostly because I want you, the person that's kind of being forced or trying to be forced, to be uncomfortable with your healthy decisions. I want you to be able to stand up for yourself, because a lot of people were like people tell me to drink and they ask me to drink, and they push, and they push and they push, and a lot of times I end up doing it to make them feel comfortable or to make them shut up. I got a lot of that.

Speaker 1: 26:59

A lot of times I just eat whatever people are pressuring me to eat so that they'll shut up. Um, no, that is not okay, it's not okay. So that's kind of where I want to go with this is just please, please, stand up for yourself. It's no one's business what you're eating, what you're drinking, what you're doing. For god's sake, and please stand up for yourself. And if you need to vent, I am here. You can vent to me in the dms, you can vent on facebook you.

Speaker 1: 27:28

We have our communities, because we really do need support, because then you fall off track with that one drink or that pizza on the weekend and then you have to start over Monday and then you do it again the next weekend and you start over Monday, and this is where it has to stop. And if you have to get spicy, I'm telling you it's fun. So if you have to get spicy, do it, and I bet people won't ask you again. If you go all unhinged on someone about asking you to drink or eat something and they're going to think she's freaking, lost her mind, and that's fine. Who cares what people think? It doesn't matter. If you have to go all crazy on someone to get them to shut up and back away from you and stop judging your food, so do it. I'm giving you permission. So I hope you enjoyed this little rant, but we're going into summer where this is going to be happening more often, and I mean I'm telling you let's just get a little spicy back, it's fine. So I'd love to hear about your stories once you get spicy, how good you felt afterwards.

Speaker 1: 28:21

But stick to your goals. If you want something, the only person that can go after it and get it. Is you and other people judging you is going to happen. Other people talking shit is going to happen. It is what it is, so accept it, say your peace and move on. All right, thanks for listening. Talk to you next week. Thanks for listening to today's show. Go ahead and leave a rating and a review and, of course, follow the podcast so you don't miss out on any future episodes. And I would love it so much if you came to connect with me over on Instagram at Christy Castillo Fit. I will see you next time. Bye.