The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast

124. Healing Out Loud: Expressing Emotions for Better Mental and Physical Health

• Kristy Castillo

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It’s been a bit since I’ve talked about it, but today’s episode is going to cover a topic that is very important to me: mental health. I’ve been on my own mental health journey over the last few years, and I’ve learned just how closely related it is to your physical health. I’ve been going to therapy for awhile now, and I’ve also been on medication - we all go through shit, and we MUST be able to find support in ways that work for us. I'm sharing a bit more about my personal journey in this way, and why it’s VITAL that we openly discuss our mental health struggles when they arise.

I’ve learned the power that comes from expressing your feelings and actually speaking out loud what you need-suppressing emotions can negatively impact your physical well-being, leading to a variety of unwanted issues. It’s also okay to not have all the answers - I’m currently in a season of better understanding myself and who I really am. I’m ready to take up space unapologetically-I don't need to change myself, or try to fit in a neat little ‘box’ that society thinks I should be in.

Healing out loud is an incredibly beautiful thing, and a huge part of my story. If you’ve ever felt inadequate or are struggling with confidence in your life, I hope this episode encourages you to prioritize your mental health alongside your fitness goals, and get support where you need to. Don’t be afraid to take up space in YOUR life, because you matter, and you’re already enough!

In today’s episode, we cover:

  • Normalizing mental health struggles & using medication when you need to
  • Understanding that your mental health is directly connected to your physical health, because your body and your mind work so closely together 
  • The importance of expressing your feelings and actually saying what you need
  • My current season of working through better understanding myself and really figuring out who the f*ck I am
  • Navigating the whole ‘take up space’ movement as women
  • All of the ‘shoulds’ that are pressed upon us as women, and especially as we become wives & mothers
  • Realizing that you’re already ENOUGH, just as you are 
  • How gaining confidence seeps into your fitness journey + every other aspect of your life too

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Un-Fuck-Your-Fitness Podcast. I am your host, Christy Castillo, and I'm here to give you real talk and cut the BS so you can actually enjoy building a body you love. I'm a personal trainer obsessed with giving you simple action steps to take you from feeling stuck to feeling sexy. Let's go.

Speaker 2:

Hey guys, what's up? Welcome to today's episode. We are going to be talking a little bit about mental health and how that relates to physical health. It has been a little while since I've said much about my mental health, my mental health journey, going to therapy, any of that kind of stuff, and shame on me, first of all, for not speaking about it a little more often. I think that we just go through stages in life where sometimes things are a little more important and some things sometimes take a little backseat. I'm not saying that my mental health has taken a backseat at all, but this summer so far has really been focused on baseball and traveling and work and getting my daughter around for college and just other things, and so my focus has just shifted. And as last week was our first full week, honestly back at home, and we didn't have baseball, we weren't traveling, and it was so weird to be back in the routine of being home and I know that probably sounds crazy, but when you travel Thursday through Sunday minimal, sometimes it was Wednesday through Sunday every single week for like six weeks that just becomes your normal. And so I was home and honestly, it was really strange to be home. I felt like I didn't know how to be home, like I didn't know how to get groceries for home, I didn't know how to make dinner anymore, like I didn't know how to have my work schedule. I didn't know how to work out right anymore, like just on a routine. And so, and of course we have some like a trip coming up and you know the rest of summer is not going to be any any kind of routine, let's be real. But I'm kind of getting back into some normalcy, I guess, and so I think that I'm just kind of myself getting back to my workouts and trying to sleep a certain amount, you know, like focusing on good sleep, focusing on getting my steps in, focusing on cutting some shitty foods out, and then, of course, that also includes me thinking about my mental health and focusing on that as well. Part of that is because I don't know if I mentioned this on here A couple of weeks ago I ran out of my anxiety depression medication and I was out of it, I think, for a week.

Speaker 2:

My schedule has just been off, so it had been, unfortunately, normal for me every once in a while to miss a day or two, and then I think, by the time I ran out it was probably the weekend. I couldn't get more anyway, I think it had been a full week-ish that I had ran out of my medication and I noticed that I was struggling, and I'm sure that that's part of it. Also, you know, with my daughter going to college and we've had some changes with that, and just you know life things, I was not feeling like my greatest, happiest, amazing self and that's fine. But when I noticed that I had ran out of my medication, I'm like, oh my god, like it made me realize one that I wasn't so anxious, I was more on the depressed side of things. So I think, naturally I'm just a little depressed, like that's just kind of part of my personality, and it was kind of good for me to know that, okay, you're off, you know you're off your medication and you are feeling this way, right, you're feeling these things and it's good to be aware of that and also notice that my medication is helping. So I really, really need that and that's okay. Feel better after a while, right, and then.

Speaker 2:

So, just kind of focusing on that, I also saw this post and I shared it on my Instagram stories. It was a post by the Instagram account is Caroline Middlesdorf and it said I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence. I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence. And then in the caption of that it said something about choose expressing over suppressing, because you matter and for whatever reason. Like did I nearly die? That might be a little dramatic, okay, but when I saw that I shared it on my stories and I thought, wow, it's really been a while since I've talked about mental health. It's been a while since I've talked about, you know, medication and it's okay to be on medication. It's okay to struggle with anxiety and depression. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to go through shit and not feel like yourself. You know, it's okay to go to therapy. I think therapy is so, so important and I haven't talked about that in a while. And so when I shared that on my stories, it really just kind of it made me think like I have not talked about this in a while on social media, on the podcast. Of course I'm kind of talking about it behind the scenes with my clients who struggle with things like that and who are having a rough time in life or whatever it may be. Of course we're talking about mental health behind the scenes. I always am with my clients, but I wanted to talk about it on here too because I have, if you've listened to this podcast very long, you know that I have struggled with my mental health in the past. Obviously, I just said I'm on medication, I have gone to therapy, my husband and I have gone together and I have gone on my own, and I think it's very, very important that you do heal and that you do go to therapy and that you do express over suppress. And I say that because I learned the hard way and so I just kind of wanted to talk about a couple of things in this episode in regards to that, and this is just kind of a little reminder, a little refresher Mental health is absolutely directly related with your physical health.

Speaker 2:

I a lot of times have clients who get stuck and myself, even with my autoimmune issues, I am certain that a lot of that was because of my stress and because of my suppressing emotions, feelings, thoughts, right. Your body and your mind work together, so your body will absolutely turn any emotion, thought, thing that you have stuck inside of you. It will manifest it as a physical symptom and you will become sick, and I believe that is absolutely what happened to me. Also, like I was saying, I do have some clients who are like I'm doing everything right physically, you know, and everything right might be an exaggeration, but what it comes down to is if you're not seeing results fast enough, or you're not seeing, you know, the results that you think like, if you just feel like something should be happening, like this should be easier, this should I should be doing better, like my body's not responding.

Speaker 2:

If you're holding inflammation, things like that, it's 100% because you're not sleeping well, because you're stressed. When you're stressed, your digestive system is not working properly. So then you are inflamed, you are bloated, your body's not working well. Your body knows when you're stressed and it will not respond in the way that you're wanting it to. It will not respond in the way that you're wanting it to. And so a lot of times I'm like, no, it is 100% stress that is causing this physical roadblock for you, and a lot of times there's not something we can directly do to stop the stress from happening. Right then.

Speaker 2:

But there are some things that I've learned. It's like when you can't control the situation, control yourself and how you respond to the situation. That's huge, because that in itself is very, very helpful. To just be able to kind of work on yourself, work on your patterns, and these are all things I've learned from experience Work on your patterns to how you respond to things habitually. Stop that, stop that cycle and figure out what do you need and really do something different because you do matter, expressing over suppressing. Because you matter Honestly, because it's the right thing to do.

Speaker 2:

I honestly have spent a lot of my life suppressing emotions and thoughts and feelings, and I don't exactly know why and we'll get into that here in a second but the fact of the matter is that it is what it is, and so I have been a lot better with my communication and not suppressing things. If I'm feeling something, I'm crying, I'm screaming, I'm going for a walk, I'm having the conversations, I'm saying the hard shit, and that helps. So expressing yourself is one thing that I do want to talk about. Your feelings and your needs is express your feelings, say what your needs are, say how you're feeling. You need to be able to say how you're feeling at any time to anyone, whether you're tired, whether you're mad, whether you're sad, whether you're anxious, whether you're overstimulated. Say it, speak up, and that can be the simplest things From like the other night, actually, my daughter and I were baking some zucchini bread and there was just.

Speaker 2:

I had actually gone shopping as well, so I got back from shopping, so there was stuff on the island, there was stuff on the counter, and we both looked at each other and she was like this is making me so anxious, I'm going to have a panic attack, and I'm like me too. I'm so overstimulated. Everybody like my son was home, my daughter's boyfriend was there, everybody was talking, the house was a mess, and we both were able to say I'm overstimulated, I'm freaking out right now. I really just need, we need a little more quiet. We need this house to be picked up. We're kind of losing our shit. Okay, oh, but that's simple.

Speaker 2:

On the other end of that, I guess I should say if someone is saying something to you that is offending you, hurting your feelings, you don't like, you're in a situation that you don't want to be in, get up and leave. Or you can say like I don't like the way you're talking to me right now. That's making me feel X, y and Z. So, in like any situation though, speaking up and saying things, and if you don't want to say something in the moment, it's okay to revisit it later, once you've calmed down, thought about it, maybe not reacted. You want to respond, not react, those kinds of things.

Speaker 2:

I'm still learning my needs honestly, so I can't speak much on expressing your needs honestly. So I can't speak much on expressing your needs for me. That is because for most of my 43 years on this earth, I I'm sure a lot of women can relate to this, men too, I don't know, because I'm not a man, but I assume that this is relatable to a lot of people, that I have done things for other people a lot of my life and tried to make other people feel comfortable around me and not ruffle feathers, and that can go for any relationship that I've ever had, you know, from my kids to my husband, to my parents, to my friends, to people I meet, you know, on the street and just you know, oh, I'm sorry if I get in their way. Or you know, let me move, let me change, let me suppress. Let me help. Right, let me change my schedule. Let me help. Right, let me change my schedule, let me, I'll do things, I'll do it and I'm trying to, I am learning what I actually need because, honestly, I don't fucking know, and that's crazy, but that's also frustrating. Or sometimes I think I do know what I need, but then I second guess it because I'm not used to, I don't really know myself and I think that's normal. I know that's normal for the stage of life that I'm in.

Speaker 2:

As you know, I grew up, obviously, I got married, I had kids. There's nothing wrong with any of this that I'm saying, by the way, but this is just how it works for me, right? I grew up with parents telling me what to do and setting rules. I got married and then there comes a set of rules and expectations with that, of course, and then you have kids, and then there becomes rules and expectations with that. You are expected to obviously raise them a certain way and do certain things in your home, look a certain way to marriage, look a certain way and you look a certain way Now that you're a mom, you shouldn't say things and act like this and blah, blah, blah. So then you know, I'm raising these kids and now that my kids are teenagers my son will be driving soon, my daughter is going to college. Who am I? Who am I? What do I actually feel? What do I want? What do I need? Like, who the fuck am I? Honestly? So that's crazy and just honestly.

Speaker 2:

To not know is okay, too right To not know what my needs are, to not know how I'm feeling, or to know that I'm feeling a certain way and not be able to explain it. I don't know why I feel this way, but this is how I feel and it just is what it is. I'm going with it. I'm not going to try to fix it. I'm not going to try to describe it. It's just this is how I'm feeling, period, and that's it. I don't have to explain it. No is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain. The answer is no, period. You also don't have to explain, like I said, why you're mad, why you're sad, why you're anxious. You can if it makes sense to you, but if someone's like well, why? Why are you feeling that way? I don't know, but I am and that's it. That's all we need to know. So it's okay to not over explain.

Speaker 2:

I am an over explainer, I'm an over thinker. I read something the other day that said over explaining takes your power away. And it's really true, because I will try to explain why I'm feeling something, how I and I love to communicate. Try to explain why I'm feeling something, how I and I love to communicate, obviously, obviously. But sometimes when I'm trying to explain, like, how I feel or what I'm thinking, or you know, I just get in this spiral and then I'm like I'm not making any sense and then I feel lost and I feel confused and I'm like is that even how I'm feeling in the first place? Like I just need to stop doing that. So this is just me saying it's okay to say no, it's okay to not know why you feel a certain way. It's okay to not explain it or just say I really don't know why I'm feeling that way.

Speaker 2:

Right, and also taking up space. This is something that we hear a lot as women right, take up space. Take up space in the gym, take up space at your job. This is a hard one for me, but I'm learning because it's hard in so many different aspects. It's hard for me sometimes because, like on the internet, right For my job, social media if I take up space and I say how I feel, that gets backlash. If I you know certain things. Obviously, if I take up too much space in the gym.

Speaker 2:

I don't really go to the gym, but that's awkward for me because this may be a woman thing, but I don't really want people to notice me. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't really want to be seen. But I do want to take up space. I do want to be there, I do want to belong, I do want to feel confident, not just in the gym, but anywhere. I want to be there and not have to look down at my feet and be all meek. I want to walk around confident with my head up, but I also don't want you to notice me. I don't want you to say hi, I don't want you to communicate with me. Does that make sense? That's so weird.

Speaker 2:

So the take up space movements or whatever you want to call it, is confusing to me, because I'm like, yes, take up space, I want to take up space Like I deserve to be here, but also don't look at me, leave me alone. I want me time. I don't, I don't want your opinions. I don't want your thoughts. I don't, you know, I don't want it. I don't want your opinions, I don't want your thoughts. I don't, you know I don't want it. I don't need you to tell me anything, I just want to be here and I want you to be proud of that, I don't know. So that's something that I'm kind of working on too and that's something that I want to relate to you.

Speaker 2:

These are all things that I feel like, yes, mental health related, but also very much Things that we and I'm gonna say, especially as women and I say that not to the men out there listening, not that you can't absolutely take these things in. I'm just I can't speak as a man. Okay, so I don't know. But if you are someone, if you are a man who typically doesn't express yourself and you do over explain and you do feel not confident places, then by all means, this is definitely for you. I just just know, as women, how this looks for us typically, when you know we become a wife and then we, you know, hear things about how we should dress and what we should look like. We shouldn't be too manly looking, we shouldn't have too much muscle, but we shouldn't sit around all day, but we shouldn't. You know, we should take care of our families and keep our house clean, but we should also work a full-time job and bring in income, because then we're lazy. Why is it if we don't? And I could go on and on and on about all of that stuff that I feel, and I feel like a lot of my clients feel, lady clients, so I'm just kind of speaking for that. But this can absolutely be for men, women, children, adults, anyone, right? Also, you are enough. You do not have to change. You can experiment to find out who you are, but that can be on your terms.

Speaker 2:

This is something I wish I would have known earlier in life and I don't know, no one ever like really dumbed me down. So it's sometimes. That's another, that's an explanation. It's like I don't have to explain why I feel a certain way, but it is weird that I do kind of feel a certain way because I had a really good childhood, I've had a really good life. Yeah, shit has happened, absolutely. But when I feel like I lacked confidence and I didn't know why I didn't feel like I was enough, I didn't want people to tell me that they liked my body, that I'm pretty, that I whatever those things are like. I don't, I don't. I still don't really like those compliments. I don't love them for certain reasons from certain people, but I really did lack a lot of confidence, and so to know that you are enough is really, really important. I have a really good friend who tells me this all the time. She's amazing you are enough just as you are.

Speaker 2:

You don't have to work hard enough to be enough. You don't have to have a clean house to be enough. You don't have to be a perfect mom to be enough. You literally are enough as you are. But here's the thing when we are taught or heard that you should have bigger boobs, you should have a bigger butt, you should have bigger eyebrows, you should have fluffier eyelashes, you should have perfect skin, you should get this job, you should climb the ladder, you should be a mom, you should get married, you should never get divorced. You should have a big house, you should work, you should stay home, you should, you should, you should, you should, you should okay, and you don't want to, then it makes you feel like you're not enough. If you don't have those things and I'm sure that goes for men and women right, you should do so many things as a man, absolutely, and that's all bullshit. You can do those things if you want and that's great to do those things. But you don't have to without any of those things were enough. And I do have to say to myself you are enough, you are enough. You do not have to work to be enough, you are enough. You just waking up, you're enough.

Speaker 2:

And also your personality is fine. You're fine Physically, you're fine, you're funny, you're happy, you're real, you're sarcastic, you don't like bullshit, you don't fuck around with people like I and that's okay. I don't have to be quiet all the time. I don't have to like everyone. I don't have to be nice to people who aren't nice to me. I don't have to look a certain way. I don't have to talk a certain way. I don't have to. I don't have to. And I really like that for my daughter, for my kids, for people that I know. I'm like you're good.

Speaker 2:

If you don't want to go to a party, don't freaking go. If you don't like what that person's saying to you, say don't talk to me like that. You don't have to be quiet. You can take up space and say I don't like this conversation, I don't like this party, I don't like whatever. I'm leaving. I'm good. You don't have to say why. You can just leave right.

Speaker 2:

So a lot of these things are things that I'm like. If I just stood up for myself, if I just Expressed, if I just knew I'm good, I'm good, right, I don't need a morning routine, I don't need a night routine, I don't need to meal prep, I don't need to meal plan. Yes, I need to go for a walk, I need to work out, I need to hit my macros, like I need to do these things right, but my schedule can look different. I don't need to parent a certain way. I can swear at my kids, I can let them swear every once in a while. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to be anything and I can say that right, isn't that crazy? Like I don't have to be rude, I don't have to be disrespectful to people, but I can just be myself. And here is the kicker. So can you? Okay, if you're in situations, if you don't want to do things, if you need to say no, if you're like I'm so sick of trying to figure out why I feel this way, don't try to figure it out. You feel that way, you don't need validation, you feel that way.

Speaker 2:

These are things that I say to myself. I'm like why am I feeling like this? I'm so sad, I'm so tired, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so sad, I'm so tired, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so right. I can blame it on the medication. I can blame it on perimenopause. I can blame it on I'm freaking tired. I can blame it on my kids are growing up. My life is changing. I can blame it on I can overthink myself in these cycles. The fact of the matter is I'm fucking tired. I'm tired and I don't know exactly why. I don't know, and it just is what it is. And you know, I've got to figure it out.

Speaker 2:

So these are things that I wanted to say because of that quote from that Caroline Middlesdorf on Instagram. Go follow her account. It's actually really good. She's a psychologist and a coach. And that quote again, I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence. If you take out the nearly died part, I'm healing out loud. I am telling you guys, this is kind of my way of healing. I did the work, I worked with my therapist on things. I'm working on myself right, Saying no, not over explaining.

Speaker 2:

Or if I do over explain, I will say I just talked myself into a hole. I don't even know what is going on anymore. Like, what are we even talking about? Right, I'm enough, I'm taking up space, but just the amount that I want and that's okay. Okay, these things are fine.

Speaker 2:

And how this translates into your fitness journey is confidence. That's exactly how this translates. Okay, you can lose weight. You can get your number down on a scale to the number you want it to be. You can shrink your jean size down to whatever you want it to be right. You can shrink your body. You can build your body. You can look amazing in the mirror. But if you're suppressing your needs and your feelings, if you're saying yes to everything, if you're over explaining, if you're shrinking yourself and you don't think you're good enough, over explaining, if you're shrinking yourself and you don't think you're good enough, your gene size and that number on the scale won't do anything for you. You'll be like wow, I really thought I would feel so good when I got to this body, when I got to this number on the scale, and I don't. I still feel like shit. And this is why Because all of these things matter just as much, if not more, to your fitness journey than the actual fitness stuff itself.

Speaker 2:

It's hard to get up and go for a walk when you're depressed. It's hard to get up and go for a walk when you're thinking yourself in these cycles. It's hard to get up, and I just mean go for a walk. I don't even mean work out, count your macros, do anything. It's hard to get up, brush your teeth, get your shit ready for the day. When you're depressed, when you're confused, so it's no wonder sometimes when you're stuck. This is why Go inside and take a look and find other people that are also healing out loud.

Speaker 2:

I love friends that I can sit around and just talk like this with and just be real, and if they're saying something, I'll be like you don't have to explain that, I get it. I get what you're saying, 100%. That's you know. All you have to do is tell me how you feel. I don't care why. I mean you can tell me if you want, but you don't have to Like I get it. I'm not judging you, I don't care. Find other people that are healing out loud, because nearly dying in silence is not. It's no longer an option, and that's okay because you matter, because you are enough.

Speaker 2:

So I hope that you enjoyed this episode.

Speaker 2:

I know that it was a little random, kind of kind of out of the blue, but I feel like these things are the absolute truth.

Speaker 2:

To be honest, they're definitely my truth, they're definitely a lot of my friends' truth, they're definitely a lot of my clients' truth, and I definitely know how important this stuff is to your life, and this is ultimately when we're talking about a fitness journey, when we're talking about your mental health, your physical health. This is your life and this really, really matters. So, more than even the physical fitness episodes that I talk about, I would love for you to share this episode with a friend, literally send the link to someone and say listen to this today, because I care about you, I love you, have a great day. Share it on your social media, tag me Also. While we're on the topic, leave a rating and a review, because those mean the world to me as well. But, most importantly, I would love for the most amount of women to hear this podcast episode as possible, because I think it is so freaking important and I hope you loved it and I will talk to you next week.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to today's show. Go ahead and leave a rating and a review and, of course, follow the podcast so you don't miss out on any future episodes. And I would love it so much if you came to connect with me over on Instagram at Christy Castillo Fit. I will see you next time. Bye.