The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast

135. The Power of Inner Work: How Therapy Transforms Your Body Image, Fitness Journey, and More with Erin Burns (Part 1)

• Kristy Castillo

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I’m beyond excited to welcome my very first GUEST, Erin Burns, onto the podcast today!


I’ve contemplated whether or not to have guests on my podcast, because I always want to make sure you’re getting the best information and value possible. However..I have no doubt that Erin is going to provide all of that, and I’m so pumped that she is here!


Erin Burns is an Illinois-based licensed clinical professional counselor; we connected on Instagram awhile ago, and she’s also a regular listener of my podcast. Erin specializes in treating patients with a variety of mental issues. Her passion is founded in working with those who are hoping to reach a deeper sense of fulfillment in life, whether that be through processing previous traumas, finding joy in life again, or rediscovering who they are as individuals.


She opened her practice, Sol Healing PLLC, in July 2024, and is currently accepting new clients in-person and virtually. 


In today’s conversation, Erin and I dig deep into the interconnectedness of mental & physical health. We chat about why we let the number on the scale and clothing size dictate our worth, the role diet culture + society has played in our body image and confidence, how to discover what true ‘health’ means for you, natural versus ‘manufactured’ emotions, and more.


Choosing to heal and do the ‘inner work’ with therapy is truly invaluable (I’ve experienced this first hand in my own life). I know our conversation is going to empower you to prioritize your healing, and transform your life from the inside out. Make sure to come back for part 2 with Erin next week!!


In today’s episode about the power of inner work, we cover:

  • The all-too important meaning we give to the number on the scale and/or our clothing size + how this dictates our self-worth
  • Getting to the source of why you feel & think the way you do + discovering what true ‘health’ means for you 
  • The ABC exercise + how this helps you slow down and really focus on your thought process
  • Why doing the inner healing work on your journey is SO important + will carry over to the physical aspect too
  • Natural vs. manufactured emotions
  • How therapy provides a truly unbiased opinion + consistency and accountability 


Links/Resources:

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Un-Fuck-Your-Fitness Podcast. I am your host, Christy Castillo, and I'm here to give you real talk and cut the BS so you can actually enjoy building a body you love. I'm a personal trainer obsessed with giving you simple action steps to take you from feeling stuck to feeling sexy. Let's go. Hey guys, what's up? Welcome to today's episode.

Speaker 2:

I am extremely excited about today's episode and next week's episode because I have my first guest of the Unfuck your Fitness podcast on this episode and next week's episode and I'm beside myself, I'm recording this intro separate than when Aaron and I recorded these podcast episodes for you. So I already know what we talked about and let me just tell you it's so good. You are going to get so much value from these two episodes. Now, don't get me wrong. I know you get a shit ton of value from all of my episodes Just give myself a little pat on the back there. But in all seriousness, you are going to learn so much. You are going to be. You're just going to get so much value from these two episodes. Erin and I had a conversation before we recorded to go over just what we wanted to talk about and get on the same page and just communicate. And we had such good topics and just meshed so well together and we could talk about these topics I feel like for hours, but we had to kind of reel it in a little bit and but still we had to make this kind of a two part series because it's just such good information. So I am really excited. I cannot wait to hear your feedback on these episodes and also, just before I introduce her, just the fact that I have a guest on the podcast. This is the first one. This is crazy.

Speaker 2:

I have gone back and forth many times just to be completely honest, transparent with you. I've gone back and forth many times considering having episodes on the podcast. I get approached quite often I'll be honest with guests wanting to be on the podcast, of all genres and I have yet to say yes because I just want to be very I'm going to be very picky about who it is and what we talk about and what they're promoting and who they are. And Erin actually listens to the podcast. She reached out to me on Instagram a long time ago probably over a year ago, I'm not even sure Just saying how much she appreciated my thoughts and my take on mental health and how I relate it to health and fitness, because that is her passion as well, which I'll get into in a minute. But she and I communicate quite often honestly on Instagram and we just really connect on these particular topics that we're going to be talking about. And so when I finally decided I want to start having guests on the podcast. She was the first person who popped into my head for many reasons, but you'll see why here in this episode and next week as well, and I am. I'm just thrilled for this new chapter of having guests on the podcast and please know that anyone I have on the podcast I will make sure they completely align and it's going to be valuable for you and something that I feel good about. You can absolutely trust me with that and supplements and thoughts and all of the things. So that is not going to diminish as I have guests on the podcast with me. That was something that I was just nervous about. This is my podcast. I love it. It's my baby. I love you guys and I don't want to give you shitty information and shitty guests. Honestly, just throw that out there. So let me introduce today's guest I have on the podcast today and next week Erin Burns. Again, we met via Instagram. I've never met her in person, but we talk quite a bit.

Speaker 2:

Erin is an Illinois-based licensed clinical professional counselor who specializes in working with a variety of mental health issues, including PTSD, trauma, identity, life transitions, body image and women's issues. Erin's passion in the field of counseling is founded in working with clients who are hoping to reach a deeper sense of fulfillment in their life, whether that be through processing previous traumas, finding joy in life again or rediscovering who they are as individuals. Erin opened Soul Healing love the name in July of this year, 2024, and is currently accepting new clients in person or telehealth services. So if you are interested, please, please, reach out to her. All of her information will be in the show notes, but also note that a client seeking telehealth services must also be located in Illinois. A little bit about her practice Soul Healing is a mental health counseling private practice in the Chicago suburbs.

Speaker 2:

It is a place for healing and rediscovery of self. With compassion as our compass, we honor each individual's journey towards wholeness, fostering a safe and empowering space where autonomy flourishes, integrity prevails and diversity is celebrated. We are committed to embracing the uniqueness of every soul, fostering a community where everyone feels seen, heard and valued. I love that so much. I feel the same way about my podcast, in a way, so you can see why Erin and I get along so well.

Speaker 2:

Erin is also open to consultations to people out of her area, so if you are not in the Chicago or Illinois area, she is happy to have a conversation with you and help you find someone that can help you along in your journey. As you know, I have struggled with mental health. I have gone to therapy. I highly, highly recommend, and Erin would be someone great to either go to if you're in the area or to help you. I would trust her, with my listeners, to help you find someone to help you. So, without further ado, let's get into today's episode. Okay, hey, erin, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast.

Speaker 2:

As you already know, because I told you that a bunch of times, I'm really excited about this topic. I'm excited that you are my first guest.

Speaker 3:

Yes, I'm ready to get chatting, are you? I'm so ready, I'm so excited.

Speaker 2:

All right. So let's start by talking about a topic that comes up a lot of times for my clients and it's come up in my own life, obviously which is the number on the scale and or the size of your clothing and the meaning that we give to it, even if we don't know where that meaning comes from and even if we don't know why we're giving it meaning. I have a lot of clients who want to lose a certain amount of weight. They want to not fit in the certain size of clothing that they're fitting in right now. They want to fit into clothing that they used to fit in, or the size that they used to be in college, or free kids, and this can be obviously detrimental to our journey as far as these aren't things that we can necessarily control, and so I definitely want to talk about that, and just as far as that goes into self-worth and that number and how it relates to all of those types of things. So what are your thoughts on this subject?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it's funny that you say having clothes from college or whatever, because I held on to a pair of jeans from high school. That was my goal to get back in them, and one day I was like this is so stupid. My body has changed. I am not that person anymore. Why would I want to fit? They're probably not even in style anymore. Anyway, I think.

Speaker 3:

When I think of that, though, I think of this connotation that we've learned along the way with what that number means, and I think a lot of times it turns into this like well, if I wear a size 14, I must be fat. And I think the thing that we don't realize is that fat is neutral, it's healthy or unhealthy. It's really the meaning that we give to that word fat, and so I think that's where a lot of the digging deeper into self-worth comes from, of like well, why is that bad? What is that? So I think sometimes we don't realize that we each have a personal meaning to that word fat, or to that number on the scale or that size of clothing. That really it's. Well, if I wear this, I must be unworthy, unlovable, not good enough, a failure if I can't reach my goals. In quotes right, like it's just moving on these superficial things that have attached some sort of emotional meaning to us, you know yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, definitely, and I think the way that you said that was just like it's absolutely per person. I have also been guilty of keeping a pair of jeans around. Yeah, by the time I were to fit into them again or whatever, that would look like they wouldn't be in style, they wouldn't look right, I wouldn't even like them on my new body, or even for me. It's always kind of been. There was a particular situation where someone did say to me at a certain time in my life like, well, maybe don't gain any more weight, you don't want to be this certain number, you don't want to be this, you don't want to have this certain size of clothing for that event. And yeah, I'm still kind of attached to that number. I even know better. I know that my body's fine now and I know I was healthy then.

Speaker 2:

But it's just like it can be the simplest thing of an item of clothing you're comparing to and, like you said, it's not the clothing itself. It's how I felt when that person said that to me about that size, in a negative way, like we don't want to be that size for that event. So now I'm thinking I don't want to be that size ever. And it was just you're right, and that did lead to unworthy. I won't look good, I don't feel good. It made me second guess myself. So, yeah, it's not necessarily that size that we're attached to. We think we are attached to that. Does that make sense and is that right? I guess, like we think it's the size that we want to be, but it's really the feeling of worthiness yeah, we want to have.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely, and it's kind of, I think, a way to get to that for yourself, because it is different per person. You can say like okay, so what does it say about me if I'm fat, or if I'm, you know, 150 pounds and I want to be 140, be 140. What does that say about me? Because that's really what I'm getting to. It's like, well, in my head, that must mean that I'm this really terrible, awful thing and we're getting totally away from health. We're getting more towards self-worth, which why does whatever the number says say anything about you being worthy as a human being? That just speaks to the physical state of your body at that moment.

Speaker 2:

True, yeah, that's true, and they do come. They do coincide so quickly. We can get so lost in the number and the health versus what that means for us and our self worth. And I've done episodes on that before about, yeah, the number on this scale is literally it's just how much your body weighs. It has nothing to do with our worth, but we have definitely attached a meaning from a source let's get into that a little bit of how, and I don't even know if we're cognitive of that source, but we've definitely attached a meaning of that into our own insecurities, that into our own insecurities. And I think without the awareness of where that comes from and you maybe work with your clients on that a little deeper than I do, of course but without an awareness of where that comes from, it's hard to grasp it and it's hard to know how to come out of it.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely, and I think. Well, first of all, that's obviously where therapy is a great tool for it, because what we're talking about here isn't just accomplishing your goals. We're talking about being very, very brutally honest and vulnerable with yourself, of these deep, dark things inside us that make that number on the scale or the size of the clothes carry so much emotional weight. No pun intended, but I think that we have to have true knowledge of all the things that you teach of, like what does it mean to truly be healthy for me as a human being? What does it mean to hit my macros right and find the exercises that work well for my body? And also self-awareness of where does this come from. So I think when we look at that, we can say, well, where did I learn that this number is bad? For whatever reason, and I think, a lot of times for people, that takes us to a really vulnerable place, because it does take us more like younger years childhood, middle school, those awkward years where everybody's all of a sudden aware of their bodies, right.

Speaker 3:

Maybe a negative relationship, something, one comment that somebody said to you that sticks to you. And if we can start to become aware of where that comes from, we can start to say, like, is that actually a reliable source? If your mom in childhood talked negatively about her body, right, and she's not necessarily saying anything about your body, but you're seeing as a kid oh my gosh, my mom thinks she's fat and she thinks that's bad, whether she's fat or not. Oh my gosh, I think my mom's perfect. That's giving us this intrinsic understanding of what it means to be fat in a negative way. So if we can say that's where the source comes from, we can start to debunk it or pick it apart and then get to that more vulnerable piece. Does that make?

Speaker 2:

sense. Yes, absolutely, and I had a client say to me it was actually interesting. Right after our conversation the other day I had a client say to me on a call that her mom it was this exact scenario and I know this is going to hit so many of my clients because I've had it happen before. But we worked through this and, yeah, I know that that happens a lot from moms, unfortunately, and I'm probably guilty of that of picking apart my own body in certain ways Of course, not on purpose to affect my daughter or my children, but yeah, and we did work through that as far as that was her view on her body. And even if you have a friend that's picking apart their body and you maybe have the exact same body, so you see them picking apart anything and think, oh, maybe they're looking at me, thinking the same thing, or, yeah, we carry that. So, yes, that's absolutely common.

Speaker 2:

That awareness alone is huge and I think we just lack that. I don't personally know Like for me, I think, as I would go through and think I needed to become smaller. I came out of that and now want to be stronger and healthier, but it was a direct awareness of that's what I want for my body, and I think that's where you're saying the differences of that reliable source. And is that a reliable source? And is that even directed towards me? Does that matter? For my own goals, that probably comes with, yes, therapy and as we get older and as we have, I think, as we just grow into ourselves a little bit, for sure. But, yeah, that distinction is huge, because without what you're saying, without realizing where it came from, we can't fix it Right.

Speaker 3:

It's like cutting a weed at the surface and leaving the root to grow back. Yeah, right, yeah. And I think as far as the reliability of the source too, that can be hard when it's somebody we look up to, like our parents or our best friend or our sister or whoever. But another way to look at this too, even if we're not looking back in childhood, let's say present day, if I try on a size large and I'm like that's terrible, I wish I could fit into a medium. That's so gross, I'm so unworthy, all that kind of stuff the source right there for me to think that is shame, I'm ashamed of my body in that moment, or the size or whatever.

Speaker 3:

And then we can take that emotion. So if the source of that thought is shame, well, is shame a reliable source? If you were doing a research study or you were trying to gather data and shame was your number one resource, no, that's not reliable, of course not. Right, right. So I think we can use our emotional reactions to really check ourselves and kind of say like, okay, that's not a reliable source of information. So why am I putting so much emphasis on this feeling Right, and my feeling is not a fact, it's just a reaction. And then that's where understanding the root of it is important, because we can say, like I feel shame because of XYZ, and that's where that deeper healing comes from.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because, you're right, it doesn't have to be a person. And I have a lot of clients that I'll ask did something happen? Did something? Why are we feeling this way? And, honestly, a lot of times we don't know. Because, yeah, my mom didn't ever directly call me fat, but she did call herself fat and that can go very deep. And I mean as far as just foods being bad or the way that diet culture Years ago, I guess my mom, I guess ladies my age, a lot of my clients, their moms just that was that culture of being skinny and all the magazines and all the diets and all the oh my gosh, so many things.

Speaker 2:

So many so that was just a way. Yeah, it's just not really like that anymore, but a lot of my clients and a lot of my friends grew up watching people go through that, even I think I've talked about this in episodes too Doing hair. I cut hair with a hairstylist for years and my clients were always on a diet. They were always on a diet. They always wanted to be smaller. They were always complaining about the way that they looked. Always women women only were always complaining about the way that they looked and always dieting and always wanted to be smaller.

Speaker 2:

And I think it's just that just happens to where that's just. I mean, even I'll be out to, you know, eat with friends and I can hear the table next to me, just women talking about their diet and talking about how they look, and it's just like such a topic of conversation that we are just diving deeper into without knowing you're right the source of of where that comes from, and then it just becomes natural. So I love, love that we're having this conversation and we're having it with each other for all these listeners to hear, but also with our clients, because it's important and it should be normal for us to understand where did that thought even come from. Why is you putting on a pair of large jeans that look fucking amazing on your body? Why is that bad? These look really good on me. I feel really comfortable in them, as opposed to having a pair of a size or smaller jeans, and I have a little muffin top sticking out, yeah, and I can't button them and I can't sit down, I mean, but that's so true.

Speaker 2:

So now I want to move into how do we change it, because I love this exercise that you've walked me through and this is going to be great.

Speaker 3:

So walk us through this. Yeah, so one of the things I want to say to kind of bridge all that we've talked about so far knowledge and awareness is amazing, of course, but it's really only amazing if you do something with it right. There's not a lot of growth that can come. That's like knowing everything about macros but then not counting your macros right. So the exercise that I suggest to so many people for so many things but I think it's really helpful for this topic is this ABC exercise. It comes from a trauma therapy actually called cognitive processing therapy, and more broadly just comes from CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, which I know a lot of people have heard about.

Speaker 3:

But what you do is you kind of evaluate the situation. So you have the A, the B, the C, the activating events, the belief, and then the C is the emotional consequence. So let's say We'll use that example that I'm at the store trying on jeans. That's my A. I'm trying on jeans, that's the activating event. The belief as I'm trying on the jeans is oh my god, I'm so gross or I'll never reach my goals. We'll go with that, I'll never reach my goals. And then the emotional consequence that I have is shame. I feel terrible about myself. Why can't I do this? Get down on yourself. So that's what's happening for you in these moments. Then we want to go through challenging or picking apart that process.

Speaker 3:

So then you'll ask yourself that thought in column B, that thought of like I'll never reach my goals, is that realistic? No, first of all, nobody can tell the future, as far as I'm aware. If you can, please let me know how. That's pretty cool, but you don't know the future. It's also not realistic because, scientifically speaking, if you do the things you're supposed to do and you stay consistent, you will reach your goals. So that's number one. Is it realistic? I will tell you, most likely the answer is no. But even if it is realistic, whatever thought you have in B, then we go to. Is it helpful? Because no matter how realistic the thought is, if it's not helpful, what is that doing for you, right? So no, I thought I'm never going to reach my goals is not helpful. It's actually very harmful. It's making me feel like shit. It's making me feel hopeless and helpless and all these things that make it hard to reach my goals hopeless and helpless, and all these things that make it hard to reach my goals.

Speaker 3:

So then that's the awareness piece. That's me evaluating what the situation was. Now we have to go okay, what am I going to do about it? So what can I say instead? So, instead of I'll never reach my goals?

Speaker 3:

Maybe we say, let me try a different pair of jeans, right. Or let me say like, okay, maybe my body isn't where I want it right now. What's something I can do this week? Give yourself a broad, not too far in the future, but pretty immediate, but not have to go home and do this. It's pretty balanced. Okay, well, let me pay a little bit more attention to tracking my food this week. Or let me lift a little extra heavy in the gym.

Speaker 3:

I can reach my goals is essentially the thought we want to flip it to, and I'll take it kind of a step further.

Speaker 3:

It's kind of like a practice makes perfect. So you have to force yourself, even if you don't believe I can reach my goals. You have to force yourself to think that. But if you just imagine if you were trying on jeans and your automatic thought was okay, I'll try on a different pair, I will be able to reach my goals, imagine what that would do to the feeling in box C. You wouldn't feel shame. You would feel maybe proud, maybe motivated or honestly the best outcome neutral, because you want to be able to go and try on a pair of jeans without this huge emotional weight tied to it. So I love that exercise because I think it helps you slow down your thought process and especially that is it realistic or helpful? I see this light bulb moment happen with clients of like, oh, I'm acting as if this is so realistic, yeah, this is my go-to thought when it's really not realistic and it sure as hell not helpful.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that takes you right out of the and it almost becomes less of an emergency.

Speaker 2:

I can remember times being in the dressing room and thinking, oh my God, I can never eat again and I'm not having lunch after this like I planned, or all those things that are going to do nothing for the situation. So, yeah, it's not realistic and it's not helpful. And I love the neutral piece too, and I know that comes out, like you said, with practice. So this exercise is so good, the way that it's broken down. I love that. I'm so glad that you brought that to the episode. I think that's going to be so helpful.

Speaker 2:

But you're absolutely right, you have to do it, whether you believe it or not. You have to say it, whether you believe it or not. You have to keep asking yourself and then eventually, just like anything else, it becomes a habit and you do become neutral. Yes, still speaking of jeans, I just purchased I don't even know eight pair from American Eagle the other day and one of them fits great. The rest of them kind of fit, but I'm like it's not my fault, it's the jeans. No, at this point I'm like I don't care, I'll send them back or I'll wear. I'm looking kind of half stupid, like it's not. Yeah, I don't, I'm not really stressing about it, but you're right, I didn't know about that exercise, but that's what I did, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I love that, no, not so, and that's great. And it also takes you out of yeah, like I said the emergency part, but it takes you out of the self worth. Now the jeans don't have anything to do with you not being able to fit into the genes, it just becomes about you. What can you do about it? You can reach your goals, but go get a different pair of jeans in the meantime.

Speaker 3:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love that. So that's perfect. And then, along with that inner healing, which I had to do a lot of, I feel like this is a really big part and I like that we're kind of breaking it up as far as, like you said, you can have all of this information and if you do nothing with it it's not going to help. It does take time, but how do you change it? There is that ABC exercise, which is very hands on and it's kind of immediate. I mean, you can do that in a moment which I really, really like, and that's very helpful to have something in that moment, because a lot of times I think I'll bring this up with my therapist or and then and you kind of forget about it. So the inner healing is huge Knowing that your worth has nothing to do with your size, knowing where those things come from.

Speaker 2:

I think when I started this podcast being Unfuck your Fitness and a lot of people are surprised that I do so many episodes on mental health and the combination of that I was with someone that I was having you on the podcast and we were talking about mental health and they were like, oh my God, this person doesn't listen to the podcast and she was just like oh my God, that's so cool that you're going to be talking about that and I'm like well, I talk about that a lot because it's actually the foundation of your physical health.

Speaker 2:

So I think I just want to touch on this, to the inner healing and how much that transfers over into your physical journey, because I would say I used to say, like the gym is my therapy and and I come out here to be healthy and all the things, and in reality, I needed a therapist and I needed, yeah, the gym is not your therapy, you need a therapist, you need to understand yourself, you need to know yourself and your worth outside of what you look like physically and what size of jeans you wear. So I want to touch on that too, as far as if you address any of that, of course, but just your thoughts on the impact of inner healing as far as how that goes 100%.

Speaker 3:

Yes, oh my gosh. And I remember that episode, that when you talked about the gym being your therapy and that shift. I think people don't realize that those things are tools. They're all tools to help you in your therapeutic journey. But you really need that outside, unbiased perspective, because it's kind of like you can't see the forest through the trees. I have actually a great analogy for this about therapy. If you think of every single human being on their own mountain even myself as a therapist, I'm on my own mountain A lot of times my clients will be like well, you have all your shit together, right? I'm like no, I have a therapist. Every therapist I know has a therapist. So every single person is on their own mountain. But the reason therapy is so helpful is because from where I am on my mountain and where my clients are, you are on your mountain. I have this advantage of seeing your mountain from a different perspective.

Speaker 3:

I love that I can tell you like, hey, there's this rock up here that would really help you get a good grip to pull you up to this next level, and so on and so forth. Right? So I think, when it comes to that inner healing and I love that you refer to it that way, by the way, there's a reason I named my practice soul healing, because I really think it is like this isn't you just getting better from your mental health issues or fixing quote, unquote your problems. This is you healing. The same way you would heal a broken bone and you wouldn't heal a broken bone effectively without a cast or a doctor, or x-rays or all those tools.

Speaker 3:

And I think therapy just provides that space to look inward and really see what are these things that we've either consciously or unconsciously avoided or shoved down so deep that are impacting us that we have no idea of. There's so much in there, yes, and I just really think that, like digging it out through the help of therapy is, oh my gosh, it's the most powerful thing. And then really, I think, once you can break through that, when it comes to physical health, it makes such a difference. I've had so many clients who are processing trauma, who are saying like, oh, I can't sleep because I have bad back pain. Yeah, I wonder if your trauma is causing that. Like no, no, no, it's just my back. And then we go through a trauma therapy and they're like you'll never believe it, I'm sleeping like a baby. My back hasn't hurt in weeks and it's because of all this stuff that is shut down that comes out in some sort of physical sense too. So it really goes hand in hand.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely agree. I'm glad that you brought that up and I am not an expert in that, but I do know that a lot of my digestion issues, pain issues, autoimmune issues were definitely I didn't know at the time. I knew through healing. That was like oh, that's why all of this stuff was just stored in my body and had to come out in a physical way. That's why I all of this stuff was just stored in my body and had to come out in a physical way. Yeah, yes, it is Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I just I think last week's podcast was about taking time off and I for pregnancies, injuries, and I absolutely lumped mental health in there, because when my mental health was in the shitter, literally I couldn't function and so I had to take some time off to heal myself from the inside out before I could do anything physically. So, yeah, I think inner healing is obviously so important and therapy and it's all just so related. So I want to move on and talk about shame and its role in our fitness journey. We talked about it a little bit earlier in regards to, of course, feeling shame for how we feel in clothing, but I know that shame a lot of times comes in my journey in the past.

Speaker 2:

I don't deal with this so much anymore I did, but a lot of my clients. It's the shame of starting over every Monday. It's this shame of saying I'm going to give up certain foods and not being able to do that, and the shame of not sticking to our workouts. 100% Progress over perfection is what I preach, of course, but we're trying to hit perfection, we're trying to be perfect, and so I definitely want to talk about that a little bit. I love the natural and manufactured emotion piece of this that you talk about, so let's dive into that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, absolutely so. I think sometimes what we forget is that we, as human beings, and the way that our brains work, emotions are a biological response, right? So there's actual chemicals and neurons firing that cause emotional reactions. So I bring that up because, as human beings, we have Transfiring that cause emotional reactions. So bring that up because, as human beings, we have different types of emotions.

Speaker 3:

So natural emotions are the types of emotions that 99% of human beings will experience as a result of some event, right, with that 1% being, like, people who aren't physically capable of experiencing emotions. So, literally every human being who has emotions has these natural emotions. So think of when you watch a scary movie and you get scared when the thing pops out natural emotion. When you lose a loved one or something happens, you feel sad, natural emotion. So those are the natural things that our brain goes through.

Speaker 3:

Biologically Manufactured emotions, then, are the opposite. They are manufactured from our thoughts, our experiences. So think of that ABC exercise. That shame was manufactured from me saying I'm never going to reach my goals, right? So they are not natural to us as human beings, which, with this means, is, then that shame doesn't really belong to us. So, in order for shame to be a natural emotion.

Speaker 3:

Shame is attended with or, I'm sorry, is correlated with, like, guilt and that type of thing. So shame and guilt go together. So in order for those emotions to be natural, we need to have intended the harm or the outcome Right. So for shame and guilt to be a natural biological process, we need to have intended the harm. So when I say that and we think about this in regards to fitness, let's think about like you eat a cookie when it doesn't fit into your macros right, like, or you eat a cookie in general. If I eat a cookie and then I feel shame. But I think sometimes we can look at that and say, well, what was my intention of eating the cookie? Right? My intention, I'm guessing, or your intentions for eating the cookies is not to fuck up your fitness goals, not that they're eating it like I really want to mess this up.

Speaker 2:

This really fucks my body up.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, great, exactly, exactly so, just naturally there, then that shame and guilt does not belong to you. There's another natural emotion that would fit better. Maybe you regret. Maybe if it is out of your macros for that day, okay, I regret that decision, but let me make a better choice tomorrow. Or maybe you're baking cookies with your mom and it's a moment of connection and your intention is to have a good moment with your family Okay, great.

Speaker 3:

Then the natural feeling there is probably joy or happiness. I think if we look at what our intentions are, it takes away that shame because it truly does not belong to us, and shame is like the poison of anything you're trying to accomplish. So I think that's really powerful.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I really like that. I like how you just said, even after having. I think that would be really great for my clients to not Just regret it. Yeah, you may regret that, you may regret that decision, and that's a normal thing too. I regret having Oreos on occasion, but it shouldn't become bigger than that. Like you said, it was not my intention to fuck up my macros. It wasn't my intention to have it in a negative way. So I think that's very, very important.

Speaker 2:

I really like that and I think that kind of relates back to it being not so much. Why does food have to have such a deep meaning? I get that it does, but it's just food at the end of the day, and I think that also takes it away from being like how the genes don't define us. Our food doesn't define us. We don't earn our food. We don't have to work for our food. We can eat food. It's part of our lives.

Speaker 2:

But we did have to kind of learn that from somewhere. I know for me, shame and guilt came around food. For me it wasn't until I was older, I think I was out on my own and a lot of it came from my Beachbody journey, unfortunately, unfortunately, but I didn't like learn it from anywhere. You know, in particular like on purpose. It's not like we want to feel shame around food, but you know, for me, the beach body mindset of just separating food into containers taught me that some containers were good, some containers were bad. Having a list of foods that I could eat off of taught me that some foods were good and some foods were bad. I didn't know why and I didn't really dive into that either, but it definitely comes from somewhere and I had to maneuver myself out of it, which is what macros did for me.

Speaker 2:

But it definitely was deeper. And to take that a step further, to now teach my kids that having cookies isn't bad and to have food be something that's good and we talked about this earlier too well, on our own, but where that comes from. As far as telling kids that that food is bad or sugar is bad for you or you need to lean your plate first before you can have dinner, it's almost like the earning of food, and then food does have a meaning. So it's not our fault that food has the meaning that it has for us, or that we were raised a certain way, or that we heard things certain places. But it's very important to take ourselves back, kind of like you said before and like is this true? Is this an actual feeling?

Speaker 1:

Did it come from somewhere.

Speaker 2:

So, yes, I really like that concept. I think that's helpful. I think nothing in our fitness journey. I don't want anyone to have to feel shame for their fitness journey. My goal of working with someone for their health and fitness is to be healthier and to be happier and to enjoy it, and most of my clients will come to me and say I enjoy working out. Now, I don't feel like it's a chore. I feel like I'm doing it because I love my body, and which is why I was so excited to do this episode with you, because I've known that so many people have enjoyed listening to this portion of things. So, or this portion of the podcast where we talk about mental health and how it's related.

Speaker 3:

So, Well, I think that just hearing you say that, I had two thoughts coming to my head. I have the societal shame and judgment of somebody who maybe is overweight, who says I don't want to go to the gym. They're all going to stare at me and like why is there a fat person in the gym? When it should be the opposite, it should be celebrated. It should be like Absolutely Good for you person in the gym. When it should be the opposite, it should be celebrated. It should be like Absolutely Good for you.

Speaker 3:

Right, but shame gets in the way there. And then the other piece of it that you said that stood out to me was clients saying I'm working out because I love my body, and the amount of times I've had my clients say to me I'm tired of feeling this way, but I don't envision a world where I actually love my body. And I think one of my favorite things about those moments with clients is I see their pain in that moment, but on my side I'm like, oh, you just wait, it's possible, you can get to that other side and work out because you love it and you love to feel strong and you feel confident. And I think that that is If people take anything from this, just like these tools are steps to help you get to that point, because it is so possible and that feeling on the other side is just it's so worth it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah you're absolutely right On that note where I don't know if you can give a specific example or not. But in your practice, if someone were to come to you and say, because for me I've been in that place and I think we all have where you can't see, like I can't imagine seeing exercise as something that I, for one, enjoy or, for two, do because I love my body, like I think that's really hard for people to see. It's been a while for me, honestly, so I don't remember exactly how I felt. But what do you say or how do you approach that when someone would say, like I don't love my body and I don't think I will, or I don't know how to do that.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. There's a few really good points with this. So from the side of the therapist, we learn very early on that if somebody comes in our office and says, oh my God, I'm so fat, typical societal things are like oh no, you're not fat, you're perfect Our job as a therapist. It's not my job to convince you to not think negatively of yourself. It's my job to help you realize that you can think better about yourself. So that's where I think therapy is so important, because you have this truly unbiased perspective to not dismiss what you're feeling at all and help you grow through it.

Speaker 3:

The other reason I think that therapy is so huge for this is because when you're having those moments, you have that person who can see I'm not saying I'm psychic, but you can see into the future of like, this is possible for you.

Speaker 3:

So you have this person who is able to push you, push you along. So that's kind of like where I think therapy is so beneficial. And then, as far as like what can be said, it's honestly a lot of what I say to my clients is a lot of what we just talked about of like, where did you learn that? Yeah, when somebody says to me like I just can't love my body, I can't For me to say, where did you learn that? How is that even possible? I think it clicks in people's minds like, oh, there's another option. And then the more and more you start to chip away at that. It's crazy what the mind does behind the scenes. I think it's just having that person in consistent therapy and then consistent use of tools outside. It's like that accountability in therapy and wherever else to keep just challenging the things that you've been taught to think one way or another for so long.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, perfect, that was beautiful. Oh, good, not that I Honestly, I didn't know what you'd say, but I love that You're right. Just going back through everything that you just said, like when you just walked through it out, like that's exactly what I will do for my clients as well. When they come to me and say like I don't think I will ever be a small person because my family is bigger, or my mom always said I was big boned, or I don't know how to eat, or they just you know, and as I walk through, like well, why do you feel that? Do you honestly feel that way about yourself? And yes, we dive into and you're right, we can take them.

Speaker 2:

Not I don't want to say pretty quickly, but sometimes pretty quickly, like yeah, but you can do it another way. I have helped people and you have helped people. Or I am in a position myself to say I am someone who you know eats for health, like I didn't think that was possible for me either, but it is, and I'm going to show you and walk with you. But you're also valid in feeling that way. I don't like that either. That societal yeah, how you said that as well. I'm just like, no, you're not. You're beautiful.

Speaker 2:

That's not helpful when someone doesn't view themselves that way. So that's a natural emotion for you to feel that way, right, but there is, there is another option, and sometimes people just don't know. So that's why I do love therapy, for that reason as well. Oh, for sure, it's huge. That was perfect. I think that's very helpful. And, yeah, having the tools and just having someone to walk along with you, whether it's and, I think, in conjunction with a therapist, and then having someone like a coach that you I'm not- just saying any personal trainer, because I've had a lot of clients come to me that have just recently had a coach that I would not recommend them going back to.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but having people that you trust to walk you through that is very, very helpful. So we are going to branch off of this topic into the next episode and talk about negative thoughts and anxiety, and I think a lot of that will obviously be tied to what we just talked about. But we are about out of time so we're going to do a part two and we hope you all will join us for that conversation. So we'll talk to you next week.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to today's show. Go ahead and leave a rating and a review and, of course, follow the podcast so you don't miss out on any future episodes. And I would love it so much if you came to connect with me over on Instagram at Christy Castillo Fit. I will see you next time. Bye.