The Unf*ck Your Fitness Podcast

156. Dealing with Unsolicited Comments About Your Body: Transform Unwelcome Advice into Personal Strength

• Kristy Castillo

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Something that seems to be prevalent now, more than EVER in our society, is receiving unsolicited comments about our bodies.



Today’s episode is actually inspired by a recent message I received from a listener, all about THIS topic. I’ve dealt with it on my own journey, and even if you haven’t, I bet you know someone who has!



For some reason, people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions on other people’s bodies (typically, women are the ones getting this feedback). This is happening super frequently online with social media, but it happens in person too (i.e. women working out in the gym). 



I’m not sure where people have gotten the audacity to do this, but it is NOT okay to put other people’s bodies down. Words DO matter, and they have consequences.



We really need to get back to the concept of ‘thinking before we speak’ (or type online) - not everything should be spoken out loud!



If you’ve experienced this, I want to urge you to protect your peace, however that looks for you. You are ENOUGH already, and if you need support to keep kicking ass on your fitness journey, I’m here for you! 



In this episode, we cover:

  • Why people are feeling more comfortable than EVER to comment on other people’s bodies
  • The audacity that people have, thinking it’s okay to say the things that they say
  • Normalizing the concept of ‘thinking before you speak’
  • How to protect yourself when someone gives their unsolicited opinion on your body


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Un-Fuck-Your-Fitness Podcast. I am your host, Christy Castillo, and I'm here to give you real talk and cut the BS so you can actually enjoy building a body you love. I'm a personal trainer obsessed with giving you simple action steps to take you from feeling stuck to feeling sexy. Let's go. Hey guys, what's up? Welcome to today's episode.

Speaker 2:

We may get a little spicy today, which you know I love and I know you love, so I'm excited. So on my 150th episode, I'm excited. So on my 150th episode, I of course, talked about fun things coming, which is very, very exciting, and then I dove into the topic of women's stereotypes in fitness and that was a little spicy too. It was awesome to hear your guys' feedback from that episode, which I know was a while ago, but it's still kind of reeling in and I'm getting a lot of messages saying I'm listening to this again and I'm just it's still kind of reeling in and I'm getting a lot of messages saying I'm listening to this again and I'm just it's very motivating and I love that. So I love having episodes that you can save and go back to when you need to feel like a badass, right. So that episode was great. Gave, my thoughts on that Loved. It Went over. Well, I love talking about these types of topics, but these types of topics.

Speaker 2:

But I got a message from someone on Instagram Her name is Katie and she sent me this message. I'm going to read it. It's long, but I'm going to read quite a bit of it to you because I think it's very important and she says it obviously in a way that I think a lot of you ladies and maybe gents, to feel, and so I read through it and responded to her with an almost five minute voice message giving my thoughts and agreeing. And, yeah, I really wanted to turn this into an episode because I think it's really important that we talk about things that shouldn't be normalized or that are normalized and shouldn't be, and just kind of getting things out there. So, essentially, what she came to me talking about was people giving unsolicited comments on other people's bodies, and it was such a good message because I know in the episode that I was talking about women's empowerment and stereotypes and I'm saying, yeah, go to the gym, and who cares what people think and who cares what people say and own your space and all this kind of stuff. And if someone is saying you shouldn't lift weights, ladies, you're getting too big, right, all these things that we see on social media and we hear in real life or wherever we're taking it in, yeah, we can absolutely hear that and let it roll off your shoulders. You know, there are some days where someone could come up to me and say, wow, getting a little thick there, getting a little big right, getting a little muscular Not really my thing, but you know, you go, girl, whatever. And I would just say like, yeah, whatever, thanks. There are other days where, if someone met me on the streets and say something like that, I would lose my mind, I would lose my shit. So it really depends on the situation and, yes, I always am encouraging women to do your thing right. Say, comment back, fight for yourself, stand up for yourself. And in this situation, yeah, go to the gym. Comment back, fight for yourself, stand up for yourself. And in this situation, yeah, go to the gym. If you want to have muscles, go get them right. If you want to, whatever you want to look like, go, look like it. Like, go get it.

Speaker 2:

I even recorded an episode recently about you deserve to know what the baddest version of you looks like. Same type of energy, right. But along those lines comes unsolicited comments on their body, on your body and on, honestly, food and all the things that you're going to be doing. There are going to be unsolicited comments on your lifestyle period, like how to approach like summer barbecues and people are gonna be kind of making fun of your choices. Right, if you're not drinking all the drinks and maybe you chose a salad over 16 hamburgers or whatever it is Like. I've talked about the inconsistencies there of people judging and all that kind of stuff, so go back and find those. They're so good. Because I love talking about this, I think it's so important and so I've definitely chatted about it before.

Speaker 2:

But in this I wanted to address this message that I got from my girl, katie, so I'm gonna read this to you now and then we're gonna chat about it. We're just gonna chat about it. I'm gonna give you my real thoughts. Chime in, send me a text, and chime in send a review on this. Chime in message me on Instagram and chime in because I would love to hear your thoughts, whether this has happened to you and how you reacted. And you know it's happening. It's out there.

Speaker 2:

With social media being ever so present, people are more than ever feeling like they can say whatever they want to people. Typing it out seems easier, and now it's translating into like which typing it out is bullshit. First of all, don't ever type something out Like you don't get to give your unsolicited opinion on something just because you're typing it and it's not in real life. You're still a person commenting on another person's body, which is crazy, and then in real life that's a whole different set of balls that you have. If we're being honest, that's just crazy. But anyways, katie says, listening to the podcast now, which was 150, I feel like we also need to normalize not giving people unsolicited comments on their body. Amen, and this can be in social media and I know there are a lot of influencers and fitness people and honestly, just I'm gonna say women, because those are the accounts that I follow. So I see women giving like saying you don't, I don't give a fuck what you think about my body, don't comment on my body. Like I'm giving workout advice to people who need it. I'm not. I don't care if you think my boobs are small, I don't care if you think my butt's small. Like that's literally not the point of this video. So shut up, kind of a thing she goes on to say.

Speaker 2:

Just because you're at the gym lifting weights and working on yourself, does not give someone the right to come up to you and criticize what you are doing, how you're looking, etc. 100% agree In that gym setting. It's crazy to me how many of my clients have come to me and said I had someone. I only coach women currently, so all of my clients that come up to me it's women telling me that men are coming up to them saying they're too big, critiquing form, you're lifting too heavy. You shouldn't be lifting that heavy. That shouldn't be your goal. You should be doing more cardio, you should be leaning out. It's kind of crazy to me. And those are only my clients, so I can't imagine how this is elsewhere. And yeah, I'm sure that women obviously are doing that too. In my experience it's men coming up to my clients who are women at the gym. Online there's a lot of men commenting on women's bodies and there's also women putting down other women, which is insane to me.

Speaker 2:

If I see something I don't like on social media or someone's body, if I'm like, damn, she's really, really muscular, yeah I'm thinking to myself I don't want to get that big, but I don't care if she's that big. I would never comment and say something like that's absurd to me, so I love that. She says yes, you never have the right to go up and comment on someone's body, especially now where we are just kind of turning the page on food freedom and body. You know recomposition and not so much being proud, you know, like just self-love and that kind of thing, but like we're literally kind of owning our strength here and allowing women to be bigger and muscular and strong rather than so skinny. So, yeah, we need to continue on this good path.

Speaker 2:

She goes on to say we've given people so much space to express how they feel that it's not about what you're saying to people and how that might impact them, but rather they're just allowed to say it, like people will say right, this is my account and I can say whatever I want. Well, it's not really about you, it's about me and my body. I totally agree with that. We're taking away like it's not even what you're saying and how you're saying it, it's the fact that you're just allowed to say that. That's crazy. It's crazy that you would think, well, this is my page and I can say whatever I want, no matter whose feelings it's hurting or because it's my opinion. Well, we don't get to just. I have a lot of opinions, trust me, but I don't go blasting them all over social media because it's not my place. I don't get to do that. I don't get to do that. That's not okay. You guys don't care for one, and it's not everything needs to be said. So I totally agree with that.

Speaker 2:

Words have consequences, amen. Words have consequences, fucking period. Well, I totally agree, on one hand, about taking someone's comments, pocketing them and moving on, but I also can't get over the level of audacity of people who think it's okay to say the things they say to people. 100% agree, and in that episode and I have said before if someone says something to you and you're just like I, am literally not in the mood, you can take that comment, you can pocket it, you can throw it away, you can throw it back in their face, think whatever you want, right, and move on. Or, yeah, you can say, ma'am, sir, you don't get to speak to me like that. No, that's not what's happening. This is not the reality of the situation. Is you think you can talk to me period? Or you can talk to me like that and you cannot. So I think this is so, so, so true, especially what they say to people.

Speaker 2:

Like she said, it is audacity. It is the audacity of people to think that you can, yeah, approach someone, because you don't just get to approach everyone in real life. You would not go up to every single person in the grocery store. Pretend Instagram is a grocery store. You don't just get to like, see and like. Go talk to people and say, oh my God, I hate your shoes, or where'd you get this, or, like you know, asking different questions Where'd you get that food? Where'd you get? Like, shut up, stop, Stop talking. You would not do that in real life. Go up to every single person and give them their thoughts on what they're wearing or what they're doing, or especially their body, or what they're eating, or what they look like, or what their eye color is or their hair color is or how they look that day, or you would not say those things to someone in person. You shouldn't. Don't say it online either. But now it's like we are saying it online and we're saying it in person. The lines have absolutely been crossed. So I agree. And then she goes on to say, especially at a time where disordered eating is so prevalent, as well as body dysmorphia, I love that. And then she says I guess I'm just not sure why people can't keep unsolicited feedback to themselves. Great episode, love listening in. So thank you so much, katie, for that message. I think it's so good and you're absolutely right.

Speaker 2:

There's kind of a yin and yang right to everything that happens, like, yes, we should absolutely normalize. I said this in the SoulFit podcast. Erin and I were recording something similar and I said people should kind of just normalize, shutting the fuck up. Just because you don't, let's put that on our shirt, let's normalize shutting the fuck up. Yep, love that. Christy Castillo quote Sometimes the things that fly out of my mouth. But seriously, you don't need to say everything that you're thinking. So now that we have covered that and Erin and I did do an episode together on the SoulFit podcast, which is coming out should be around the same time as this, not absolutely sure we dive in a little bit more over there and talk back and forth. I thought this was a really good topic to have, with a personal trainer fitness side of things and a therapist side of things, because there are different ways to look at it and there are different ways to go about it. So let's absolutely normalize.

Speaker 2:

Unfortunately, I don't know how this stops. There's not like. Obviously, me talking about it in this podcast isn't going to stop people from having the audacity to speak their minds on things they shouldn't speak and talk in ways they shouldn't speak to people, unfortunately. I wish I could do that, but we need to normalize thinking before we speak, right? If I were to go up to someone at the gym and comment on their body, that would be insane, because they didn't ask for my opinion and they don't care. So, yes, the audacity that that takes to think, oh, I'm just going to walk over to this person, give my thoughts as if that matters at all to anyone. It probably doesn't. You know, a lot of times our thoughts are only cool to ourselves. So just stop and think for a minute. But I agree so much and this can go into food as well, right?

Speaker 2:

A lot of times we think that we get to give our opinions and that people care about what we have to say, or that it's helpful, right, going up to someone at the gym and commenting on their body, or lifting weights and commenting on their weight size, or whether they're just doing cardio and maybe you're saying you should lift some weights. Get out of the cardio section and go lift some weights. Don't tell someone what to do Like. Don't project that onto someone. Let people do what they wanna do.

Speaker 2:

If people have questions and you look like someone in the gym. I would rather be someone in the gym. I don't go to the gym very often, but if I did, I wouldn't go up to anyone and give my unsolicited advice and it would be really good advice. What I would be saying to them would be very good advice. It'd be very helpful, it'd be coming from a very good place. But that's probably what these other people think too. Oh, if I give them my opinion, I mean it nicely right, but that doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. They didn't ask for it.

Speaker 2:

I would rather be the person in the gym that, if someone's like, oh my gosh, I have a question about form or I have a question about muscle, like this person looks like she knows what she's doing with her body, with her life. She looks like someone I could trust would have a good conversation with nonjudgmental. I would rather be that person that people feel like they can come up to, rather than going up to someone else. So it's just it blows my mind that people, yes, are commenting on people's bodies. I would love for you to write to me over on Christy Castillo Fit and tell me your experiences with this, because it blows my mind and it's just really helpful because I work out from home, so nobody really gives me their unsolicited advice while I'm working out at home on Instagram sure, on occasion, but I just think these stories are just so helpful and eye-opening and then I can share them too and it helps you to feel like you're not alone. But yeah, let's try to normalize shutting the fuck up and not giving your opinion on someone else's body. That would be perfect. Let's also talk about what happens when someone does come up to you, because it's probably going to happen. So let's think about that too.

Speaker 2:

How do we protect ourselves from when people do come up to us and give us their unsolicited opinion on our bodies? Our body is a very sacred thing. We like to be very protective of it. Do we like comments on our bodies? I think for women it's different. Me personally, I don't love comments good or bad about my body. I'm just not like a very physical person. I think your podcast is so great. You're so intelligent. You look, I don't know. I like different kinds of opinions.

Speaker 2:

Physically, it's hard for me to accept compliments and it's hard for me to just like I don't get it. I don't work out for anyone else, so I don't need your validation or your opinions. But I understand that obviously, friends, my husband, my children, people that are close enough to me to say like, hey, you're looking really strong, you're looking really good, I can tell you've been working out. I understand that they're going to say that and I don't think that's unsolicited commentary kind of, but you know what I mean. It's still hard for me to accept, though. So it'd be really hard for me to hear someone outside of my little circle say something about my body. It would be very, very hard for me, and I don't know what that says about me. But I'm at the place where either I've gone through enough therapy and I know enough about myself to know that either I would go bananas I would tell someone off, like I said, if they commented on my body, or in a negative way, right or give their opinions on my body, or I would just pocket it and move on. What that ultimately says is something about me, and I want you to remember, in those moments when that happens, whether someone says it online, you know to me I'm an online presence, so someone's going to say something about my body online. Eventually. It's going to happen. It happens, it's going to happen whatever or in real life. If someone comments on your body, it's crazy. It's crazy that someone would do that, especially, like this comment was saying, in a time where body dysmorphia is so crazy and all these diets are really, really prevalent.

Speaker 2:

And people my age, women my age grew up in this era. I saw a video the other day. It was like the Disney Channel and oh shoot, like the Voice and like American Idol and like soap operas and like in this era where women were being turned down for things because of their size and it wasn't in like a subtle way. It was like you can't have the part because you need to lose seven to eight pounds. You are too big, you need to lose weight, you look fat. Fat shaming was real and I'm 43 currently and I grew up. My teenage, formative teenage years were based on this skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny version of what looked good, what was healthy, what was acceptable, what was good was skinny. So everyone my age and roundabout area right grew up in that era and so we're trying to push through this Like I'm trying to empower so many women and y'all going up to them and telling them they look too big in the gym is really setting me back. It's really not helping me, so stop.

Speaker 2:

But seriously, when someone comes up to you and says something like that, you get to choose. And what I want you to know in that moment is anytime someone says something to you about your body, your food, your parenting, your anything, it's projecting from, it's their view, it's their viewpoint on what you're doing. They're speaking from their experience, their past, their childhood, whatever and they're saying that to you. So if they're like, oh my God, I don't, you know, I definitely wouldn't want to eat more and lift heavy, I think that's very manly, ew. Whatever they're thinking right. So they're thinking that about themselves. They're scared to do that. That kind of intimidates them. They're uneducated in that arena. So when they see you doing it, let's say they come up to you and say, oh girl, you're lifting too heavy or you need to go to the cardio section, right.

Speaker 2:

Or a man who knows why they come on someone's body, especially a woman. But whatever, their thoughts are being projected onto you, their insecurities, their lack of knowledge, or they just don't know you and should shut up. But you get to choose in that moment. What's your power, what would make you feel good, what would benefit you? Because they don't care. They didn't consider your feelings when they came up to you to offer this unsolicited advice.

Speaker 2:

So you could go the petty route and say, well, since you didn't, don't say this, but since you didn't consider my feelings, I'm not going to consider yours. And you could just let it fly and say whatever is at the top of your mind, right? Or you could pocket it, and a lot of times owning my own strength means to pocket what someone's saying, or not even pocket it, throw it to the side because I don't want it. I don't want your unsolicited comments and I don't care. So I'm just going to let that go and I'm going to just leave right or discontinue the conversation.

Speaker 2:

That's me being like I'm secure enough in my decision and I love my freaking body I don't care if you like it or not and I think you're too stupid to understand the argument that I'm about to have with you to, I guess, explain why I like lifting weights. And again, you wouldn't understand it literally. And it doesn't matter, because I don't know you and it's not your body. So I don't need to have this conversation with you because it's a waste of my time. It's up to you, but I don't want you to just react based on them, like, ooh, what would really teach them or what would be a dig at them? Who cares? Think about yourself. Do you need to throw that comment away and be like whatever. Peace out, bro. Or do you need to give them a little? Why don't you put your AirPods in and turn around and walk away from me, sir, because I don't care if you think my muscles are too big, figure that out for yourself, right? But I want you to be aware of that. It literally has nothing to do with him. Who cares what people think about your body? At the end of the day, it's your body. But also know that it is very rude and very wrong for someone to come up to you and give you unsolicited advice on your body. I don't think a man would go up to another man at the gym and say I think you're getting too bulky, those weights are too heavy, better go hit some cardio. That's more of a woman thing and I think we're trying to really change that right.

Speaker 2:

But we see people on social media we see a lot of these things on social media talking about diet culture and, you know, talking about disordered eating. They're not talking about it as in disordered eating. But they're still talking about disordered eating, right? Very unhealthy relationships with food, very unhealthy programming out there to help you lose weight. That's disordered eating. If you think about food in a disordered way, like it's not healthy, then yeah, it's disordered eating and we need to get away from that. We're trying to be healthy, we're trying to be better, we're trying to be strong, we're trying to fix this nation community of women, right, and we're trying to be strong. We're trying to fix this nation community of women, right, and we're trying to be better.

Speaker 2:

And body dysmorphia is real. The comparison game is insane right now, with online and in the gym. It's very hard and, as a woman, you are already comparing and you're already feeling like all the eyes are on you and am I good enough? Am I thin enough, am I strong enough? Am I enough? In whatever breakdown you want to look at it, and so it's hard when someone comes up to you and kind of picks on your body. But at the end of the day, unfortunately, I'd like to say I think we're kind of noticing this more.

Speaker 2:

I do see a lot more people standing up for themselves on social media, which I love. I follow some large Instagram accounts that are very well balanced and teach things that I approve of, like they care, but I've seen them take a lot of shit from people about their bodies and about their lifestyles and about their food choices and about their form and about literally everything that someone puts on social media. As someone in my position, people can have their opinions on, and they would just take it and take it and either delete the comments or they would kind of comment back something super nice. And now I'm seeing them fight back and make reels that are pretty funny when you think of it. As far as you know, just things that men wouldn't. Men will comment on women's posts and they're kind of picking on that. So I'm really liking that trend of just kind of showing people what it feels like when you say something to them that they would say to you, but it's not so funny when you're on the receiving end of that.

Speaker 2:

So I think this is such an important conversation. This could be such a long conversation. This could be such a serious conversation that goes in so many different ways, and I have talked with so many of my one-on-one clients about this type of thing. You know you have people coming up to you in the gym commenting on your body. You have people coming up in real life your family, your friends, people are commenting on your body all the time and it is unsolicited advice and it is wrong and it is not okay and we need to call it out for what it is.

Speaker 2:

So just because someone isn't necessarily fighting back and speaking out doesn't mean that they don't want to. It doesn't mean that they're like laying down and, you know, taking it. It just means that they don't care, that they are confident enough with their body and probably think that person's too stupid That'd be me Like you're too dumb to even have this conversation with. I'm not wasting my time, that's what I would think but there are times, too, where you can absolutely stand up for yourself. I want you to do both, whatever one works for you. Let me say that again I want you to do whatever works for you, period. Because without that piece I'm giving you instructions, somebody else would be giving you instructions and it takes away the confidence.

Speaker 2:

So it can really be detrimental when someone comes up to you and talks about your food choices or talks about how your body looks in the gym or what you're lifting and the amount of weight or whatever. It can be really hard. I've had clients before that are like, am I doing this right? Should I be doing this? Am I lifting too much? Am I not lifting enough? And I'm like, why are you worrying about what someone in the freaking gym said to you? Do they even know you? Do they even know your goals? Do they know your past history with dieting? Do they know that you're terrified of weights and you're just learning? They don't know. So it's crazy for them to come up to you and then put this negative energy in your head and you're second guessing yourself based on who. This idiot that thought he would give you his opinion on your body? That's just crazy. Or this lady? That's just crazy. You know someone? It just blows my mind. It goes for men and women, and they can both be idiots at that point. But just remember and I'm sure that I've been that idiot before I remember doing Beachbody coaching, specifically thinking that certain things were right and certain things were wrong, and I was very spoken out about it.

Speaker 2:

Now, yes, I do believe certain things are right and certain things are wrong and certain things shouldn't be done because they're freaking, not healthy. Certain things should not be put in your body because they're not healthy and they're not good for you and there's a better way. But I'm not just going to get up here on my soapbox and pretend like every single person is going to benefit from me saying there's a better way to do that. No one cares. I want to show you that there's a better way to do that and if you're ready for that, come on over. If not, I've made a million mistakes with my fitness journey too, so go for it.

Speaker 2:

I see people in the gym. When my husband and I go to the gym on vacations or whatever. I mean, I see at least 20 people in there doing something that I would be like ma'am sir, what the actual fuck are you doing? Don't do that. But it's not helpful for me to go. I don't work there. It's not helpful for me to just stop them in the middle of their workout and be like hey, you're doing that wrong. Let me show you how. What. That would be crazy and I'd probably scare them from going to the gym ever again. That wouldn't be my intention, but that's what would happen, right? It's like cause and effect. No one thinks about what they're saying or why they're approaching that person and about the person.

Speaker 2:

As this commenter said, no one's thinking about what they're saying or the person that's receiving it. They just want to freaking say it and it's crazy. So it needs to stop. This needs to be a moment of awareness and it needs to stop. And if someone comments on your body, please choose what would be more beneficial for you and act accordingly, because I really think sometimes these people just need to be put in their place.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so this was a really good conversation. I loved, loved, loved it. Thank you so much. I'm going to be doing more of these write-ins. Of course, I'm replying back to all of you eventually it's taken me a long time lately and then, if it's a topic that I want to talk about, I'm going to ask if it's okay, if I read it, I'll mention your name if I can find your name on Instagram when I go to record. But I appreciate all of the messages. I love chatting back and forth with you. It really is helpful for me to hear from someone saying, yeah, let's normalize, not giving unsolicited advice on people's bodies. Yeah, let's do that. And I can get on here and kind of talk about that, because I think it's super, super important and that is in alignment with what I want to talk about, and that's for the betterment of society as a whole. If we just shut up sometimes, wouldn't that be great? All right, I'll talk to you in the next episode.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to today's show. Go ahead and leave a rating and a review and, of course, follow the podcast so you don't miss out on any future episodes. And I would love it so much if you came to connect with me over on Instagram at Christy Castillo Fit. I will see you next time. Bye.